Let’s Rewind 9 months ago (feb)
February 20 the day Sam proposed to me. Everything was perfect!
Fast forward a week later
Sam’s mom had called Sam at work and said he needed to stop by the house so she can tell him some news regarding his dad (he had gone to the doctor that week or a week before can’t remember) I know Sam was really nervous to walk into the house not knowing what to expect. My stomach was turning... Sam had told me to just stay in the car that he wouldn’t be long.
I see Sam's sister Kasey and her two kids Kaden and Brookelyn walk out of the house. I can see on Kasey’s face that she had been crying and my stomach got worse. Before she came to the car Sam came out side with tears flowing from his eyes, opened the car door and asked me to come inside that his parents wanted to talk to me. My hands started to sweat! (this is taking me a long time to type since im trying to hold back the tears) We walk down stairs and I can see that his parents had been crying too. Sam’s dad hadn’t seen my engagement ring yet so we showed him and his dad gave me a big long hug and said to me “take good care of my boy” I replied back and said “I promise” (I started to cry). Sam shows me a gun and said his dad gave it to us to give to our first son. My heart was pounding so fast and my stomach was just turning!
Sam’s dad got diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.
The next few weeks were pretty tough. It was still sinking in… seeing the pain it brought my husband and his family killed me. When I see people cry it makes me cry I don’t like it when people are hurting. I thought what if this happened to my daddy which made me cry even more. Then it hit me… our children will never get to know their Grandpa Taylor.
I grew up without a grandpa. When I was younger I always wished I had a grandpa I thought about it all the time. My dad didn’t have any contact with his dad who lived in another state and passed away when I was about 12 (something around that age) then my mom’s dad wanted nothing to do with his grandkids (not sure if that’s the case but that’s pretty much how I took it) im ok with it now I have the most amazing Grandma anyone could ever ask for. I’d choose her over any grandpa any day! She’s a 2 in 1 package deal J anyways so thinking about my future children never getting to hang out with their grandpa really gets to me. Yes they will have a grandpa, my dad but seeing how my father in law is with his grandkids is just the cutest thing ever. The oldest grandkid is Kaden and he just adores his grandpa and wants to be like him! It’s so cute that it hurts because we know his heart is going to be crushed real soon.
How can you plan for this…. I’m dreading the day it hurts to think about it and hard to believe it’s real. But it is. When they first found out the size of the tumor was size of a walnut now its size of a grapefruit. Huge difference. I hurt for my mother in law who is going to lose her husband. I hope I can do my best to comfort my husband when the time comes and be there for everyone else. So now go back and look at our family pictures. Hopefully you will look at them differently.. These will be the last family pictures this family gets with their dad & grandpa. I know I have said before that im so thankful to be a part of this family but really I really am. I am so thankful that my first marriage did not work out (is that horrible to say lol) and that my sister in law Michelle set Sam and I up. It’s crazy how things work! As much as I love this family I love my other family just as much! My mom and dad are amazing we all have our ups and downs but I love them all no matter what! Best sisters (Eliza & Michelle) best Brothers (Ben, Josh, & Steve) and of course the best nieces (Ariel, Ella, & Gracie)! Now that you guys have a heads up with what is going on with our family please keep everyone in your prayers everyone really needs it!
I don’t want to leave you,
but if God calls me
I hope that you understand
that I can’t say no.
I will always be with you,
if you keep me in your heart
and in your thoughts,
I will never be gone.
I am fighting with all that I have to get better.
I hate this cancer,
I hate that is hurting you.
I promised you that I will be strong
and that I will fight,
but please understand
that if God calls me
I can't say no
THANKS FOR READING!!!
Love,
Rachel
